I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
