dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
