i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
