lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
