drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
