could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
