apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
