you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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