Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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