I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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