At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Don't EVER smell your tampon
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
