I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
