he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
