Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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