I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
