On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
