i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
