Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
