I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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