Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
