If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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