just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
