My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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