Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When are your genitals available?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
