We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
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