bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
