i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
