I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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