Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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