He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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