Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
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We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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