ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
