Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
