Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
