I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
