My sheets look like a crime scene.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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