So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
