He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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