Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i out mim tonsoeep
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