i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
