We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
