Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
