I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
