bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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