I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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