why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
