dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
