walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
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I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
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So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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