I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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