It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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