saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
