i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
