sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You are a genius and a whore.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
