is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
