i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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