Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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