so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
