You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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