once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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