I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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