it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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