my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
