I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
