I think I just saw someone hide a body.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
