Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
