Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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