My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
