Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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