I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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