I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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