Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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