I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
