I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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