Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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