dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
