guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
