I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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