So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
