Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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