i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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