Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
