why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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