Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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